Am i just that dumb?

I'm telling you, when you're emotionally involved with someone, it's hard to see clearly, but I can't lie, I'm still hurt. I guess it's like I had already tried SO HARD to get over my issues with her exes, but what she did yesterday totally floored me. She doesn't seem to get it, but I'll admit, her exes make me incredibly insecure. I know she's going to continue to be "friends" with them, but their "friendship" is SO not kosher. I feel like her exes have absolutely no respect for me or the relationship I have with Lauren. When Lauren was here, I swear it was absolutely amazing and I felt so incredibly loved and like I was the only one for her. Now, we've been apart for a little over a week and I feel so insecure and like I don't matter as much as she says I do. I don't know what/who to believe. It doesn't make sense how much she means to me and I hate feeling like I have all these feelings for her that can be pulled from under my feet at any moment. I hate this feeling. I thought I was over everything, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still holding onto some remnants. I just wish I truly believed that I'm all she wants. I really really hate this feeling. I just want an answer or some kind of resolution to make me feel special and appreciated and like what she says is really what she means.

Then next week I'm coming to Cleveland and I know I'm going to have to interact with her exes if I want to hang out with her and to be honest I really have no desire to be around any of them. They represent something to me that is vile and don't act in a way I value and I just do not want to be around them. The more and more I type about this situation, the more questions I begin to ask myself. I'm not mad anymore about the situation that happened yesterday, I guess at this point I just don't feel that important to her and like I'm not the same priority that she is to me. I want to feel confident in being Lauren's woman. I want to feel secure in that and while some of it may be a personal problem, some of it is also created by how she reacts to certain situations. I'm just sick of feeling like this. Maybe everyone else is right and I'm just stupid for believing that she could change. Maybe I'm stupid for believing in us as much as I do. I need some kinda confirmation. I don't want to be a nag, I just need this for my own sake.