I'm going to live my life for me!

I am feeling SO much better today! Yesterday was a rough day and I felt so fed up with feeling like everyone wants me to do everything for everything else and I really just broke down. Unfortunately, Lauren was at work so I couldn't talk to her but I did talk to some people who are close to me and I realized a lot about some of the issues I have and that I haven't been dealing with. I have issues comparing myself to my younger/older brother and I really need to stop doing that. I realize that being healthy really does make me happy. I realize that I actually doing alright with my life and I should be proud of everything that I've accomplished so far. I should be happy with the things that I do for other people but - at the same time - I really need to start thinking about what truly makes me happy and acting on it. Being healthy makes me happy. Running makes me happy. Waking up to the rain nestled in my lover's arm makes me happy. Being in love makes me happy (most of the time). Partying with my friends makes me happy. My family (for the most part) makes me happy. My dog BoBo used to make me happy. Making other people smile makes me happy. Lauren (for the most part) makes me happy. Amie (for the most part) makes me happy. I can be happy, I just need to stop putting my happiness to the side.

Last night, Lauren made me REALLY happy when she told me about something she's planning for when we get home. She's planning a date evening where we'll sleep at a hotel and go out to dinner and have a really quiet evening to ourselves and I am so excited about that and it's so incredibly thoughtful. Usually it's ME thinking of these things and I am just so excited that 1)she thought of that and 2)that she has just been amazing. Things with she and I are getting better and better by the day. I am so happy with her and I am so happy with how things are going. She continues to amaze me daily and I really feel like I'm infatuated/in love with her. GAH! That's so crazy. It's only been TWO WEEKS! Is that possible?! lol Oh Lesbians. Anywho, mama is feeling much better today and a lot more at ease.