I have so many emotions running through my head right now. Lauren got in a car accident after driving while high. She doesn't remember any of it. I am so furious with her right now but I can't be too upset right now because she's alive and she has another chance to get her life together. I'm so mad at her, because I would always tell her that she has no business driving when she's high. She tried doing that with me in the car once and I forced her to pull over so I could drive because she just couldn't handle operating a car. I want to yell at her so badly and I am just so pissed at her for continuing to make so many stupid, stupid mistakes. Part of me is like, "you know what, I really need to leave her alone. She is just a lost cause" but part of me really really hopes she realizes that she could have died and it's time to finally get her life together or else she won't be given any more chances at rebuilding. I just hate this damn drug and what it's doing to her. It's making her make dumb decisions, she almost DIED because of this drug. As far as I'm concerned, there is no longer any excuse to use. She crashed her mother's car. Her mom is probably LIVID. Shit, I'm livid for her. This drug just makes her act so irresponsibly. She needs to go to rehab ASAP. I really hope after she gets out of the hospital and heals that she goes.

But as angry as I am, I love her and I want to be by her side IF she decides to get her life together. I just can't keep watching her destroy herself like this. I wish I could be there right now to just make sure she's OK and to take care of her. It's crazy that tonight the episode of Fresh Prince where Will gets shot came on and it was just too intense for me. What if I had lost Lauren tonight? I don't know what i would have done. I knew something wasn't right. When I called her and she didn't answer for hours I just knew something wasn't right. I want to be strong for her so bad right now, but sometimes being strong for her takes a toll on me. It's like, I want to be strong for you, but I can't do it every day. She really needs to get it together NOW. But I love her so much and when she's sober, she is the most amazing woman and I want that woman 100% of the time. I want her to be healthy and happy and be able to right the wrongs she's committed throughout her life.

I was so happy when she called me. I was the first person, after her mom, who she called. I love Lauren so much. I want her to get sober. I want her to get happy. She NEEDS to get sober. Like, there's no personal choice involved. I'm really curious as to what her mother's reaction to her is going to be. I just know that she is going to be incredibly depressed after this and I really really need to be there for her emotionally. So I'm going to go home on Thursday so that I can be there to support her and just make sure she's OK. All I can pray is that this accident was a wake up call to her to get her life together and to finally quit this drug and grow up and move forward. I'm just going to continue to pray for her and me. We both really need it.