Stressed and Agitated

I am feeling an unbelievable amount of stress. I feel like my chest is wound up and I'm just seconds away from blowing up. I am so full of tension, angry, confusion, stress, and I don't have any place to put it. I try to just tell myself not to "stress" but the more I tell myself not to "stress" the more angry and stressed I get. I just want to scream really loudly, hit a wall, do something to just make it go away - even if it is for just a little bit. There are just so many things that are stressing me out. I don't have any money. Lauren and I need an apartment and the apartment "we" (or I) wanted we need a co-signer for and her mom was supposed to co-sign and now I don't know if she will. Lauren doesn't have a job. I still have to finish school and my CA job. I have to pay off my car and I don't have the money yet. My Sallie Mae loan hasn't been certified by the school and they said it could take 4 to 6 weeks to certify it. I need to be out of my room by the 20th and I don't have an apartment set up yet.

It just feels like I'm all alone to deal with everything. If I try to talk to Lauren about it, I'm "stressing too much and when I stress it makes her stress" and then she gets mad and pissy towards me. So I can't really vent to her about it or really look at her for any support. I feel like I do so much during the week the least I could do is get some kind of "I appreciate what you're doing for me/us" or, "babe, let me give you a massage since you're doing so much." I feel like if I don't do things they won't get done. She wants me to "trust" that things will get done but the be perfectly honest I don't trust that things will get done because she just doesn't "stress".

I guess she thinks that everything will just fall into place and fate will have its way but I don't believe that. I feel like you have to persistently go after what you want to get it. I feel like she isn't looking hard enough for a job. I print things off for her at work, I try to encourage her to look in the job sections, get on the computer. I would have thought that now that we have a car that she would be out applying at places and she hasn't gone to one place to apply around here. It's like it's not that big of a deal if we don't have money. I feel like I carry the weight of everything on my shoulders and sometimes I just wish I could count on her to come through and help us out. Yes, her mom does give us money and it definitely helps considering I barely make $200 every 2 weeks, but still it's just like "if we're about to move in together, why aren't you agressively looking for a job? She says she wants to go to school, but it's like, what are you doing to make sure you get in and you get your grant accepted? I just feel like she has such lazy attitude towards things and it pisses me off. It makes me feel like when I get stressed about our situation, that I don't have her to support me. I feel like she just says "don't worry about it" when in fact we need to worry. I'm pissed because I really wanted to live in the two-bedroom apartment and I had my mind set on it because Lauren said her mom would co-sign but now here we are almost two weeks from when we need to move and we don't have an apartment. I just want some freakin support. She asks me why I always want to drink but I'm so stressed and I feel so tense and wound up that I really feel like I need to drink. The stress I'm feeling doesn't feel healthy. I just wish she'd be more supportive and help us out instead of me feeling like I can't trust her ability to come through. I'm just tired and stressed and I desperately need to be drunk right about now.