So, these past few weeks have been freaking CRAZY!! Things with Lauren have gone from downright shitty to incredibly hopeful and it's been a whirlwind. My weight has been such a challenge to me and I'm just getting incredibly frustrated with myself because I know how to get myself on track but it's like I keep making excuses for why I can't. It's frustrating.

Lauren:

So, yea, Lauren and I have gone through a lot in the past couple of weeks. We've fought breaking up for nearly two weeks. We've been at each other's throats and we've literally fought each other, call each other every name outside of the book, but somehow we managed to bring it all together, put things in perspective and realize that we love each other and that we haven't been loving each other the right way. Most people don't agree with our relationship, but we understand each other and love each other and complete each other in a way that we cannot accept each other for the shitty times and when we are down, and some how she manages to bring me up and feel like I can accomplish anything with her by my side. She supports me and she is truly an amazing person. There's this feeling that I get when I'm physically with her or when we talk on the phone and she makes me feel so great. I guess I've just noticed that I can't let my existence revolve around her and allow myself to get lost in this relationship. I still need to be able to be myself and hold what's important to me without losing it because of love. So, we'll see if we can continue to bridge the gaps and continue to grow together so that we can stay together and grow together and eventually, I hope, start a life together. Regardless of what we've gone through, Lauren is my partner and she's who I want to spend my life with. I am so in love with her. It doesn't make sense. The more and more I let my guard down, the more and more it scares me though. I guess realizing that I don't have to look for love and it's OK for me to be myself. I'm just scared she'll hurt me forreal. But I guess part of falling completely in love is being able to completely trust someone with your heart. God, that's so hard.

Anywho, I also have a lot of things that I need to do. Like get healthy, be a good CA, be a good student, and just be happy. And if I get all of these things together, then Lauren and I can be that much better for each other and I can be better for myself. I need to stop drinking and just focus on my health. I need to start dealing with my problems and not trying to drink them. I'm just ready to be a better person and I'm just so glad that I have a wonderful partner by my side to help me through the rough times.