Frustrated & Unappreciated

So, I'm kind of frustrated right now. Sometimes I wonder why I try to be so tolerant and so understanding towards her but I don't think she does the same. Today, I have some sorta icky cramps. They aren't as bad as they usually are, but they're still bugging me nonetheless. On top of that, I'm kind of aggravated still from her smoking last night. So, today I'm trying to be in a better mood but at the same time just kinda trying not to be too emotionally involved just because I'm irritated. Then, when I get on the phone, she says that she's "not sure" if she wants to be on the phone with me because my "tone" is "sharp". Huh?!?! I mean - first of all - if I'm your partner you should want to be there and talk to me, ESPECIALLY if I'm not feeling too great! Secondly, of ALL the times I've been on the phone with her and sat through her come so short of verbally bashing me and treating me like dirt, she could AT LEAST have the patience to sit through me having freakin' cramps. It just bugs me sometimes how I feel like I am really trying to completely change myself to be a better person so that WE can be happy together but she still can't even pretend like she can be there for me the way I feel like I try to be there for her. Sometimes I feel like she owes me a lot emotionally because of what I have to go through with her and her drug use, but she doesn't see it. I feel like I put up with SO MUCH because I truly want to believe that she'll quit, but she takes advantage of my patience. And then, she gets mad when I bring up the subject. One thing is for sure: drug addicts are selfish people. She wants me to be patient with her and I truly want to as well, but it bugs me - for instance - how last night I was on the internet WITH her looking up stuff with her so she can go back to school, but when i call her today I reminded her to call them! ?!?!?! I feel like she should have been up this morning and the first thing she should've been doing is making phone calls. I mean, am I wasting this energy on someone who - at the end of the day - is just complacent with their life?! She says she wants to have and do all of these things, but her life choices prove otherwise. We had this pseudo-funny conversation yesterday about "living in a cardboard mansion" and, at the time, it was funny. I wonder if it's really a joke. I just can't stand people with potential who squander their aspirations for no good reason. And what's crazy is I can see all this potential in her, but if she doesn't see it in herself, it's useless.

Anywho, it's off to cramp land to try not to be so aggravated right now. I want to talk to her but I'm afraid we'll only argue. Bah. I'm just aggravated!